Early grave

My workplace has seen several crises in the last few months, all of which directly affect me. One of them was particularly bad, but I am unable to discuss with anyone outside the organization until the lawyers are done drafting the official statement to go public with.

I went in to the office today, to better deal with one of the other less serious problems that I discovered yesterday. I vented with my boss a bit — and then felt bad, because his load is much worse than mine, and I am unable to help him much, because he does not share much with me. Although I know he appreciates me as an employee, I suspect he does not actually like me personally and tries to avoid dealing with me as much as possible. So our relationship is very tense right now.

My bus home from downtown Seattle was almost empty and I was able to enjoy a podcast. I got off near a waterfront pub for an impromptu pint of cider. The pub is nice and quiet inside but there is plenty to see outside. A nice overcast day over Puget Sound.

It has been one of those days when I really question the wisdom of living a healthy lifestyle. An early grave seems like a pretty good idea, if you ask me.

Hence the cider. Cheers!

October all year round

Today was Labor Day, the last holiday of American summer, and the weather was perfect in Seattle. I enjoyed a long walk along the waterfront of West Seattle, looking across Elliott Bay to downtown Seattle. Although there were a few masks in sight, you could almost imagine that there had never been a pandemic and that this was a normal holiday.

Many years ago, I worked at a gift shop in Pioneer Square. And on Labor Day, the crowds would be thick everywhere you went. Long lines for coffee and takeout food. Underground Tour participants taking up all the space at intersections. And lots of people milling about in our store. And then if the Mariners were playing, there was the baseball crowd on top of that. It was always utter mayhem!

Looking across to the Smith Tower, I could imagine that same mayhem today. Perhaps it really is different now. But I was glad to not have to be over there anyway. The place I worked at still exists, and it was hard enough in those days to get customers to cooperate with our request that food and drinks not be brought into the store. It is amazing how many people get quite emotionally unhinged when told they can not do something. I would hate to have to be policing masks. Although Seattle is operating under minimal restrictions, indoor mask mandates were reinstated a couple of weeks ago.

Labor Day ushers in my favorite time of year. I make no secret of the fact that I really do not care for summer. It is not just the heat that bothers me, but the late sunsets. We can still get a heatwave in September, but it is much less likely AND the sun sets well before 8pm, so hot days cool off more quickly. So I go from my least favorite part of the year (June/July/August) to my favorite part of the year (Sept/Oct/Nov/Dec) in the space of a few days.

Then in January begins my second least favorite part of the year (January/February). But this has nothing to do with the weather. It is just that in my job, I get bombarded with really annoying reporting tasks as we close out the old year. AND, I have to gear up for filing incoming taxes, something I dread even though my taxes are fairly simple. My impaired executive function fails me frequently at this time. Anyway, I always try to get my taxes filed by the end of February. And then I have March, April and May to enjoy (sort of) before the dreaded summer returns.

I really wish it could be October all year round.

Just falling asleep

Yesterday I had a dental appointment first thing in the morning. And it was time to take x-rays. When the lead apron was draped over me, I felt this sudden calm wash over me. I sleep with a weighted blanket, but it is quite a bit lighter. I wished I could have had the lead apron on for the entire appointment. Next time, I might actually ask!

My bedtime routine is undergoing some adjustment. For the last six years, I have been watching M*A*S*H. I have all eleven seasons on DVD, although many of the discs are very temperamental from wear and tear. Well, now my portable DVD player is acting up. I only bought it three years ago, but it was a rather cheap model (I was amazed it was still possible to buy a DVD player at all) — and it has seen a LOT of use. I could look into getting a USB-connected DVD player to plug into my Chromebook, but that would hardly be convenient in my bedroom. So I decided to bit the bullet and try bedtime without M*A*S*H.

I always take my iPod Touch to bed with me because it serves as my alarm clock. So now I am collecting podcasts to listen to. I used to be a huge podcast junkie. But now that I work from home, I do not need to load up on podcasts to for my bus commute (that can be ridiculously long for the distance when Seattle traffic is gridlocked.) So, I am not sure what I want to listen to these days (apart from the various Ted Lasso podcasts.)

I found a really interesting podcast called The Rise And Fall Of Mars Hill, about the megachurch that was once a phenomenon in Seattle. But I have kept falling asleep about twenty minutes in, even though I find it really interesting. I am finding myself nodding off very quickly to other podcasts as well.

Perhaps I have rediscovered this crazy idea of just going to bed and falling asleep 😴 How wild is that?

Gentle weather

My favorite shirt has detachable sleeves which allows me to wear it as a lightweight waistcoat in summer. But today I got to put the sleeves back on.

Usually by the end of July I have “summer fatigue” and reverse-SADS. It’s not just the heat that wears me down. It’s the bright sun and the long hours of daylight. But the record heatwave we went through in Seattle at the end of June obviously added to the stress. So the cloudy drizzly weather I woke up to was most welcome. And it looks like staying that way this afternoon with temps in the low 20s degC.

I moved to Seattle to find a kind of weather that is becoming elusive. It is a weather that is possibly the least harmful to people – but most frequently complained of.

It is gentle weather. Temperatures somewhere between 8-15 deg C with cloudy skies, light winds, and rain that can be kept off with a light rain jacket and hood.

Twenty years ago, this kind of weather could be found in any month of the year in Seattle. But summers are getting hotter, sunnier and drier — and are lasting longer. Meanwhile, autumn, winter and spring rains are showing up as intense deluges that no rain gear is a match for.

I have never understood why my preferred gentle weather goes so unappreciated. It is perfect for running, cycling, hiking and other outdoor activities. It is nice weather for gardening. It is even good weather for washing the car. But it is also nice weather to have when you are stuck inside working, studying, or just curled up on the couch feeling bad.

However, since that big heatwave of June, I have noticed more people saying that they will never again complain about cool, cloudy weather in summer. But I fear that gentle weather is becoming a thing of the past — and will not be fully appreciated until it is gone for ever.

Normal Saturday

Washington State lifted all COVID-19 restrictions on June 30. So for the last two weekends, my Seattle neighborhood has largely reopened for business. And I have been most happy to resume my Saturday visit to a taproom. It has actually been open for several months under capacity and social distancing restrictions, but that meant limited seating at tables for four. And as I am usually a party of one, I don’t feel comfortable taking up a table by myself. But now, the stools are back at the bar and along the perimeter shelves — and I have been able to take up my favorite perch from where I can see the whole bar area, the TV, and the street outside.

Social distancing was actually hard on us parties of one because so much casual seating was done away with in order to provide adequately spaced tables for groups.

The last time I was in this pub, before the COVID-19 shutdown of March 2020, I was waiting on the results of my autism diagnosis. So last weekend was my first back in my old routine since the diagnosis.

Nothing has changed. I still feel like I don’t quite fit in — that I will never be one of the regulars. But I am no longer going to let that spoil the experience. Every once in a while, I do manage to have an enjoyable conversation with a stranger. I don’t think that will happen today. But I have my phone — so can pass the time blogging.

Executive function OK – for a change

Executive function has been failing me too often of late. But the last few days have reassured me that there are situations I navigate as well as anyone else, if not better.

Seattle has just been through a record-setting heatwave, with the temperature topping out at around 42C (108F) on Monday, the third day in a row that temperatures broke 100F. Like most Seattlites, I live without air conditioning AND my top floor apartment soaks up the heat all day long and is very slow to cool down overnight. I have been through several big heatwaves in the nineteen years I have lived in this apartment, but nothing like this one.

On Thursday, while temperatures were still unremarkable, I stocked up at the grocery store so that I would not have to go out for several days. (Going to the grocery store involves a long walk up a steep hill with little shade.) I pulled out the two long, baggy shirts that I wear around my apartment during hot weather. And I loaded up my iPod Touch with podcasts.

My living room has a large window which faces south-southeast, so it warms up very early in the day. But my front door is in an alcove that opens on the opposite site of the building which is in shade until late afternoon — so it can be quite pleasant to sit out there until around 3pm. So I set up my folding table and chair and did several hours of writing on my iPad on Saturday and Sunday morning. I made great progress on a novel I started a couple of months ago. But eventually I had to come back inside.

The only thing to do was lie down in the bedroom and listen to podcasts. The window faces east-northeast, and so that room is rather cave-like in the afternoon with the blinds closed. I wish that could make it cooler, but by the afternoon it is the most comfortable part of my apartment. Temperatures were high enough that running a fan just makes you hotter – unless you are soaked with cold water. I always keep plastic bottles of frozen water in my freezer. They are a good emergency supply of water. And in hot weather, I like to have a couple out near the fan to cool the air as it blows over them. Moisture in the air readily condenses on them, so every few minutes I can wipe my hand over them and get a nice amount of ice cold water to splash over me. When the ice in the bottles was almost melted (something that happened alarmingly quickly) I put them back in the freezer and brought out two frozen ones. And each time I went to the kitchen I made another cup of ginger-lemon tea to pour over ice in a twenty-ounce beaker.

Heatwaves at this time of the year are the worst because sunset is at 9:11pm so it is not dark until almost 10pm. But once the sun goes down, my building usually starts to feel a breeze from the water, and I relocated to my chair outside the front door to listen to podcasts there. Unfortunately, if cool air does find its way into my apartment it does not stay cool very long because of all the stored heat being radiated from the wall, but eventually the cool air does win. So I prepared to sleep on the floor of my living room right by the front door — with the door propped slightly ajar and a fan pulling air in. And I soaked a t-shirt in cold water to drape across me. Each night I woke up around 2am feeling sufficiently comfortable to discard the damp t-shirt and cover myself properly with a sheet.

On Monday, the hottest day, I started work (at home) around 6:30am and stopped around noon. But I checked email every hour or so, and unfortunately there was something that needed my attention at 3:30pm. Once I was done with that, I signed off and closed up the laptop.

Yesterday morning (Tuesday), I woke up at 2am and was actually cold. A marine push from the Pacific Ocean had finally shoved that heat dome to the east and north. I was able to turn off the fan and close the door. And I knew the worst was over.

I had been worried about my cat, because she is seventeen. But she did fine, sleeping in a spot that obviously worked for her and getting up occasionally to eat, drink and use the litter box. I basically emulated her behavior. I was lucky not to have the power go out on me at all. There were several isolated power outages in Seattle. My modem did get rather hot, so I kept a fan blowing on it. My iPod Touch ran hot also, so I propped it up against the fan that was blowing air on me.

While I was lying down in my sweltering apartment, I did think of less fortunate people: those who were working; those who had someplace they needed to travel; those who live far from the evening breezes by the water; those who lost electric power for hours; those who could not feel safe going to sleep with windows and the front door open. (And hundreds of people ended up dying.) All I really needed to do to take care of myself was lie down and keep still, splash cold water on myself, and keep the iced tea coming. But it was tough, all the same.

I hope I never have to go through this ever again. But I must admit that I rather enjoyed the enforced downtime. Some of the podcasts I listened to really helped me regroup after the anxiety of the last few weeks. And I am very happy with the writing I did. A difficult chapter suddenly found a direction I had not even though of a week ago. I feel motivated to finish this novel so that the inspiration does not go to waste.

I think I did OK.

Fun Forest

One of my favorite places to watch life is long gone. At the foot of the Space Needle, where the Dale Chihuly glass museum now lives, there once was a little amusement park called the Fun Forest. Like the Space Needle, and many of the structures at Seattle Center, it was built for the 1962 Worlds Fair. By 2010 it looked decidedly retro and the rides looked decidedly lame by modern standards.

http://robertwadephoto.blogspot.com/2009/12/end-is-near-for-fun-forest.html

But little kids LOVED the Fun Forest rides and waited excitedly in line for their turn. And the looks on their faces as they rode around showed they were not disappointed. And they waved to parents and friends (and even total strangers like me) as they went by. And parents and friends took photographs.

I would get a big Starbucks latte and occupy a seat near one of the rides to enjoy the scene. (Even back in 2010, it did strike me that this was an activity perhaps only a middle-aged white woman could indulge without arousing suspicion.) I am not known as a kid person — but I could happily sit here for hours watching families enjoy this little fun fair. The Fun Forest was dismantled in 2011.

Yesterday, I sat with coffee and enjoyed watching an Easter egg hunt. And one Halloween, I sat in the window of a pub drinking a beer while watching trick-or-treaters walking from one shop to the next.

Family life has always baffled me. And I have never truly felt part of it. But I do enjoy watching it from a safe distance.